As an 80s kid, I fucking hate Transformers. I watched fucking the cartoon, had all the toys, and I even owned Megatron, the one who transformed into a fucking gun. I did realize that Transformers was aimed at boys than girls, but I didn't care. When Generation 2 was released in 1992, it was disappointing and I subsequently ignored the other generations of Transformers as a female teen. As for my personal life, it fucking sucked.
I got these boring jobs such as mowing the fucking lawn and worst of all, babysitting and putting jar in my ass. I fucking hated it a lot, you have bratty kids you have to take care of winch can get fucking annoying. Yep, I was a terrible babysitter. But it didn't matter, as I was saving money for a DVD of the original cartoon series.
I was hired by the Jacobs one afternoon, when I had one of the strangest experiences in my life. The Jacobs were going for a dinner party and left me in charge of their son.
The Jacobs had one son named James. Upon arriving, I was surprised he was a transformers fan who owned some of the newer toys Expect I Fucking Hate Transformers. Once his parents left for a dinner party at 3:00 PM, I played with James until he and I were exhausted. It was around 7:30 PM when I made the biggest mistake of my life. I asked James if he had ever watched the original TV show. He said no. However, his father did purchase for him a VHS tape from Ebay as a gift.
Ebay? I never trusted fucking Ebay. Once, I got Fucking scammed for a pair of shoes by an online seller. I felt like giving away your address to someone else was dangerous. I shouldn't be complaining now. The VHS tape wasn't mine, it was James.
Just before James went to bed, I asked him if I could watch it and he said yes. I'll regret that decision ever since. As soon as James hopped into bed, I left his room and walked downstairs to see if the Jacobs still owned a VHS player. Across from the TV, I saw an old VHS Player on a cabinet for storing DVDs. I looked through their collection of DVDs and eventually found the VHS James told me about. The front cover depicted Optimus Prime fighting Megatron with the sticker "Volume 1: More than meets the Eye And Ü Shit". I took the VHS tape out of its box and placed it into the VHS player. I switched the channel and sat on their sofa, trying to relax until the Jacobs arrived home.
It was just a black screen at first. I thought something was wrong with their TV. Suddenly, before I got up, Megatron's face appeared on screen and the image began to zoom out until his full body was revealed. Megatron was standing next to an old man bound to a wheelchair. He looked down at the man with hate and malice. The old man didn't take any notice of Megatron as if he couldn't fucking see him. Megatron lifted up his right leg and STEPPED on the fucking man So Really Fucking HARD, presumably killing him. Megatron simply fucking laughed at the man's demise. I could see his wheelchair, destroyed and crumbled underneath Megatron's foot. I was disturbed by this scene. I've never seen Megatron actually kill a fucking human before. I thought that this was some kind of homemade episode some creep made in their basement. The strangest thing was that Megatron's voice actually sounded like Frank Welker From Scooby Fucking Doo. But, if he was still in the eighties doing an actual recording. It didn't help that it was raining on this particular night.
The laughing stopped and it cut to a scene with Ratchet, in vehicular mode, driving towards an unknown location. A brief glimpse of what appeared to be Optimus Prime sitting at a table in a room with no doors was shown Expect He Eating Fucking Travis Scott Meal. Then, it returned to Ratchet driving in his vehicular form. I knew something was going to happen. Ratchet continued driving until he transformed, indicating that he had now arrived. It was the Ark, laying in ruins as it always been. Ratchet entered the Ark and seemed to be reminiscing various memories. I thought about Megatron's siege on the Ark. However, it was as if Megatron narrated this scene. He seemed to be speaking with Ratchet.
"You remember? YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE GOT FUCKING FUSED TOGETHER? YOU REMEMBER THE FUCKING TRAVIS SCOTT MEAL?!"
"Travis Scott Meal?" I said to myself. But, before I could contemplate what was happening, Kickback appeared and attacked Ratchet. Then, a frame of Megatron's fucking laughing face appeared for a short moment. Ratchet was knocked onto the floor before being dragged away by Kickback. Later, the scene changed to Spike Witwicky riding a bicycle when Megatron's narration kicked in.
"Spike Witwicky? What kind of name is that?! YOU FUCKING FLESHINGS AND YOUR NAMES! Well, damn them! DAMN THEM TO THE THE VERY EARTH YOU LIVE ON!"
A bus came howling at Spike and violently ran him over. Megatron commented on Witwicky's death.
"HAHA! PATHETIC! DID YOUR GUARDIANS TELL YOU TO "WATCH THE FUCKING ROAD?" I GUESS NOT! I wished I had made use of my human companions."
The frame of Megatron's laughing face appeared again like a fucking banshee. It faded to a new scene of Megatron towering over a cowardly Starscream in a corner. Megatron was pissed, so pissed it was beyond humanly possible.
"YOU TRECHOU-...COWARD! YOU PA- LITT- WASTE OF SCRAP!"
"DON'T MEGATRO- ME!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU WHAT KIND OF HELL I WENT THROUGH! THIS TIME YOU WON'T BE COMING BACK FROM THIS ONE YOU HANKFUCK!"
I have no idea what a "hankfuck" is,
Megatron grabbed Starscream and threw him onto an operating table before strapping him down. Ratchet was on another operating table, also tied down. Ratchet plead for his life, but it was no use. Soundwave was also there next to Megatron.
"Megatron! Please don't do this! Just kill me! JUST FUCKIN' KILL ME!"
"I'M NOT KILLING YOU RATCHET! SOUNDWAVE, PREPARE FOR SURGERY!"
"I FUCKING HATE THAT SURGERY, YOU SON OF A BITC-"
A surgical device came down from the ceiling as Soundwave closed the two tables together, forming one operating table. I knew what they were going to do. The two hopeless Cybertonians plead for their lives, but were both denied. Soundwave placed the device near Starscream's and Ratchet's chests. Soundwave began at the very top of the head and started cutting. Starscream and Ratchet were SCREAMING as Soundwave removed half of their outer body for fusion. He then stitched them together alive, their tortured screams sounded like the voice actors were actually screaming in fucking banshee. Soundwave has just completed his surgery. Soon, Starscream and Ratchet were now one being. The stitched together duo tried to speak, but all their speech was just fucking gibberish. Megatron was pleased and guided them to an airlock.
"YOU TWO WILL BE STITCHED TOGETHER FOREVER! SOUNDWAVE! OPEN THE AIRLOCK FUCKLORD!"
Soundwave opened the airlock and Megatron threw the Starscream/Ratchet hybrid out into space, the duo still pleading after being sucked out. The scene ended as the still of Megatron's face appeared once more. It then cut to a scene of Optimus sitting at the table as shown earlier. This time, a fucking panzerfaust 3 that appeared to be Megatron's weapon mode was next to him. The gun started to talk to Prime. I knew it was Megatron.
"Prime, I been in this hell long enough. I been treated like a toy for children, young fleshings would never understand my hell, my torment, my eternal fight with Ü. It's time to end it, Prime. I've already taken care of some of your pathetic Autobots and companions. There is no way out of this room. Ü CANNOT ESCAPE THE Ü! And soon I will destroy ALL of your Autobots. NOW END IT!"
That was the loudest rage I've ever heard in my life. Optimus grabbed the panzerfaust 3 and aimed at his head. Then, he spoke:
"No choice, no escape. I've died many fucking times, but now this time it's permanent. I can't take this fight ANYMORE."
He fired the fucking rifle, it crackled his head and servos. Mechanical parts flew onto the floor as Optimus Prime collapsed, killed by his suicide attempt. Megatron spoke for one final time.
"Optimus Prime is history! I now have the Matrix and shall turned this eternal fight in my favour. Hopefully, this war will end and be history."
His voice quickly turned to malice and hatred.
"AND SOON YOU'LL BE HISTORY TIME TO SING ABOUT FUCKING BTS MEAL!!!"
"Yo bitch, it's time to go bitch, To get the fuckin' B.T.S Meal fo' sho' bitch With the mothafuckin' Nuggets You're gonna mothafuckin' die When the Sweet Chill And Cajun sauce hits You'll take a massive shit Yeah the flavor never ends But your asshole will not survive fucking cleanse!!!"
An extreme close-up of Megatron's face appeared and he was as mad as ever. However, his eyes weren't just pure red like they usually were. Instead, they were small black dots in those eyes of pure rage. His teeth were clenched and Megatron's mouth had some kind of substance dripping out of it, presumably oil. This lasted for 5 minutes, before the VHS tape ended and the screen turned to static. I was left paralyzed on the sofa while the rain howled in the darkness of night. Hallucinating Megatron's red eyes staring at me with those black dots in the center, that's how frightened I was. Just seeing Megatron's face was the scariest thing I ever saw in Transformers.
Thankfully, the Jacobs came home and saw me sitting on their sofa. They asked if I was okay. This took me out of paralyzed trance. I lied to them and I said I wanted to be paid. Mr. Jacob gave me $40 dollars and I just walked out of there without asking any questions. I believed James was still asleep, but I had forgotten about him once I came home. I didn't want to sleep after what I saw. I was awake all morning, thinking of what I just watched. I had a lot of questions not only about how it was made but what it all meant. The "eternal fight" obviously meant the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons, but where were Spike's friends and dad? Where were the other Autobots? Who payed for the original actors? Either that or they were really good impressions. I will never find out and I doubt that the creators would actually make this as the finale.
My life eventually improved. I moved out and got an actual job. I regreted just leaving there. I should've gotten that tape. But I don't think the Jacobs live at their original house anymore and I don't know if James actually watched it. If he did, he would be traumatized by it and probably upload it to Youtube as an adult. I still love Transformers, I don't know if I would see again. Hopefully I don't, that tape gave nightmares for 3 months after that. Still, that incident was somehow burned into my brain. Occasionally, when I close my eyes, I still see Megatron's angry face complete with those black dots.