I really don’t like my fucking parents at all. What do I FUCKING mean? Well, my parents, they treat me like an absolute asshole and shit. They make me watch baby shows whenever I get in trouble just so I can learn a little life lesson on bad stuff like smoking, watching NC-17 movies etc.
But to get the elephant out of the room, I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself. because mine's been absolute shit. It's been the shittiest day I've ever had, and that's a pretty big accomplishment on the shit scale, considering I've had some pretty shitty days before.
But amazingly, because it's honestly the 8th fucking wonder of the world at this point, my day somehow managed to get worse. How the FUCK that happens, I don't know.
I woke up to the worst fuckin' day I Have.
I Watched AVGN And My Fucking Parents BRUST To my fuckin' door and they ground me.
That was a fucking sad day for me, but it’s NOT okay, because I’m living all by fucking myself. I know how to get groceries, do the laundry, cook using the stove and more. At least I still have my grandparents whose names are Gabriel and Joanna. Now I know what you are about to ask? Why is my grandpa a different skin color? Well watch your mouth dear mo-fuckin reader because it’s none of your damn business. Because I Hate Saying The Word "DeAr rEaDeR"
Okay, let me ask you a question. Have you ever got in trouble by skipping school before? I have, It sucked, fucking HARD! You wanna know how I did it but never got away? GoAnimate made me do it because it was now fucking vyond.
Well, there’s a lost episode of Little Witch Academia that talks about this illegal thing. For those of you who have never heard of this anime. Little Witch Academia involves a girl named Akko who attends an academy for witches. That’s all I can tell you as I just encountered a weird episode of the series.
Let me tell you about it. One day, I was at home with my dog Precious. We were on the couch watching this somewhat weird commercial that had Henry Albatross and General Melchett showing us how to cook burgers but suddenly.
Henry Albatross whipped out a fucking LEGO separator and ripped off his fucking jaw. He SCREAMED as blood splattered fucking EVERYWHERE cause General Melchett to screamed "Yo Henry, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? FUCKIN' BASKET CASE CRAZY ASS MOTHAFUKA, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BITCH!"
Henry Albatross looked at him and tried to laugh, but fucking realistic blood came pouring out of his mouth instead.
Then it cut to a commercial which told us that a special episode of Little Witch Academia will be playing at the Piedmont Theatre in California for 3 weeks only. I thought that I’d be interested in an anime playing at a select movie theatre. My Fucking Parents BRUST Door Again And They Fuckin' Ground Me Again.
So I bought tickets to California and headed out. I let Precious come with me because he’s nervous of thunder due to there being one every single night when I’m not around. So we made our way to the airport. It was cool cause I rode in a taxi with Colonel Mo-Fuckin Sanders as the driver.
When I gave out my tickets to the airport worker, I met Protegent Man. Me and Precious got on the plane to California. Dogs are supposed to be put in cages but who the fuck cares ASSLICKER? At least Precious doesn’t piss and shit all over the place, I take him to the lavatory.
I sat down with this handsome girl named Laura asking if I’m headed for California and I said yes. She told me that this kind of plane rocks because it had a TV with every single movie and television show. And most of all, you could play fucking video games on it. How relaxing!
While jamming into some PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, I got interrupted by this angry flight attendant who told me GET FUCK OUT OF HERE. However, I wasn’t smoking, my dog Precious found an old cigarette. I apologized to the man and he gave me a cage to stuff the dog in.
When I arrived in California, I somehow regretted letting my dog go on this trip with me as I went to my hotel. Surprisingly, there was a hotel just around the corner where the Piedmont Theatre was.
I got a taxi to the theatre. But before I went to the ticket station, I got stopped by this woman named Dallas asking me who I was. I stated my name and she told me that if I’m buying a ticket to the latest episode of Little Witch Academia, what I would see will not be good at the fucking end.
I gave it a good ole go and purchased a ticket. However, when I got to the refreshment bar, I was given a free meal from KFC as the popcorn machine was down at the time. Nice and good at the same time.
Expect There SHIT On Popcorn Chicken And Make Me Fuckin' Vomit EVERYWHERE!
Me and Precious sat down at our seat ready to watch this film. I sat down next to these familiar people named Billy Bob Tanley and Samuel L Jackson. While talking about how I was the only child in the theatre, the previews were about to begin. The first preview showed a trailer for a movie starring Mr Parks and Jack Black. The 2nd trailer had Star Butterfly just walking with a dead body of Marco Diaz.
Then before we got into the episode of Little Witch Academia, we were introduced to a short film which was basically a parody of Steamed Hams starring Homer Simpson and Mr Burns.
The intro started finally. However, things were off.
The music was replaced with a 6-minute rap song about the fucking B.T.S Meal At McDonald's
When we saw Akko, she Taking A Shit.
Expect She SHITTING B.T.S Meal.
The Lyrics Something Like This.
"Yo bitch, it's time to go bitch, To get the fuckin' B.T.S Meal fo' sho' bitch With the mothafuckin' Nuggets You're gonna mothafuckin' die When the Sweet Chill And Cajun sauce hits You'll take a massive shit Yeah the flavor never ends But your asshole will not survive the cleanse"
Samuel L Jackson ran to the bathroom to fuckin vomit. Billy Bob Tanley covered his eyes but for me, I wasn’t even bothered. Trust me, I have seen what the human body looks like.
A title card came up and it said, Playing Hooky. The episode started with Akko sleeping in her bed until her parents claimed that it was time for witch school.
She Didn't Fucking Move.
What the fuck was the point of this? Was She asleep? Was She fuckin' dead?
She Wake Up, And she gets treated like shit from her friends.
Then Akko came up with a perfect idea. She could just clone herself. So that’s what she did. Akko for some reason had a PC in her room, so she went on there to play some Fortnite while her clone went to school.
First Off, There's Is NO Fortnite Reference, And Second, This Series Came Out In 2013! And Fuckin' Third Fortnite Came Out In 2017!
Akko’s parents then left for work while the clone of you know who flew to school. The plan was a success. A time card popped up and it said, “3 Hours Later.” Akko got very bored of playing Fortnite so she decided to take a walk. While walking, she met up with Sir Mo-Fuckin Topham Hatt. They had a terrible talk about how the engines on the island of Sodor do a fucking terrible job on most days.
Then, Akko decided to go to the park for some exercise. She decided to attend an outdoor fitness program with people such as El Macho, Kyle Broflovski, Ashley Armbruster, Disco Stu, Walter Beckett, Buckie O Buck Neill, MT Bar and Hilda.
Hold On.....Hilda Was APPEARED In This Series?
Netflix Already Make adaptation of Hilda!
We See Minerva Mink From Animaniacs taking a shit.
Wilford Wolf's suddenly BURSTS through the door and says "Here's your toilet paper, Minerva!" in the voice of a middle aged man whilst dropping like 200 fucking boxes of Chinese takeout everywhere.
Minerva Mink Screamed like a fucking banshee.
Meanwhile at school, Ms Callistis wondered where in the world Akko is. “Dude, what the FUCK is this Series?” Billy Bob Tanley yelled next to me. “She’s right there next to the fucking other students!” Isaiah Vargas was for some reason one of the students in the class telling the teacher she was watching dead memes during a test they were about to take.
That was odd since witches back in the day didn’t use phones. Ms Callistis took the phone away from the clone of Akko and they started the exam. Then it cut to an intermission from one of those Monty Python thing-a-ma-jigs. It then displayed a cartoon which had Martin Stone and Reverend Peter Mo-Fuckin Timms planning to kidnap fucking the fiancee of Governor Tackleton. Their plan was a success and it cut back to the fucking episode.
Suddenly, Sonic the fucking Hedgehog appeared out of nowhere, but he looked Normal Expect His Voice, NOTHING Like Fuckin' Sonic. He Sound Like Gang Member.
"HEY HEY MOTHERFUCKERS!" Sonic screeched like a fucking banshee as he.................ok he whipped out his fucking gun and fuckin shoot me.
The clone of Akko asked if she could use the restroom and Ms Callistis said SHIT While walking to the restroom, Akko discovered a little thing with electric sparks. She took it outside and it immediately spawned random clones of herself. This was a legit parody of Send In The Clones from The Simpsons. Speaking of clones, as it showed the clones of fucking Akko, I could barely see a girl who was covered in soap on screen.
“Let’s all go out for disneyworld!” said a clone of Akko. They all made their way down the hill on their broomsticks but they pulled up to a fucking dilapidated old school and the broomsticks broke down. The real Akko was hanging out with Asia from HighSchool DXD having chocolate milkshakes while talking about why some people don’t fucking like her a lot. Just then, the clones broke the windows down mumbling gibberish.
But Surly started trying to fucking jack himself off, moaning and yelling "Oh, SHIT. OH, FUCKING YEAH" in the voice of a VERY loud, deep-voiced African-American man that was definitely Still NOT Will Arnett.
Finally, a giant hand, presumably from the person filming, picked up Surly and fucking threw him under the train, which even through it was O-scale, proceeded to run over the squirrel, causing Thomas The Tank Engine Theme Plays So FUCKING Loud And Surly to scream “OH FUCK! OH SHIT!” When the train finally passed it was revealed that Surly had been cut into fucking.............you gussed it............Black Fuckin' Angus.
Akko said, “Oh shit! I forgot I left the cloning spellbook in the hallway at school! What am I gonna do?” That’s when someone special showed up. Up in the sky, was it a bird? was it a plane? No! It was Mr Fucking Potato Head! He lasered all the clones and the day was didn't saved.
Then Mr Potato Head asked, “HEY HEY HEY MOTHA FUCKAAAAAA!” Mr. Potato Head screamed as the truck came SMASHING through Akko house, fucking ANNIHILATING everything and collapsing the entire FUCKING School!
Akko and Asia SCREAMED What the FUCK? Mr. Potato Head? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
“SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN RID OF ME, ASSHOLES!”
Mr Potato Head Yelled like a fucking banshee
As He Whipped His Gun About To, Murder Akko And Asia
But Then Super Fucking Man Impaled Mr Potato Head As Blood Splattered EVERYWHERE.
Mr Potato head fucking died.
Then Superman asked, “You girls are playing hooky by not going to school are you?” Akko and Asia nodded yes and Superman made multiple trips to the schools they went to. Miss Callistus was not quite happy with Akko for playing fucking hooky. She sent her to the principal’s office and the principal appeared to be Mr Mufflin from Fucking Fanboy & Chum Chum. He asked sincerely why Akko tried to skip school.
Akko said this. “Ok. Here’s the story. I played hooky today because when I sometimes go to school, my friends treat me like crap and I didn’t want to let that fuckin' happen.” Mr Mufflin believed her and sadly, he fucking ended up suspending Akko for 2 days straight.
Then it cut to the credits As Trap Queen By Fetty Mo-Fuckin Wap Plays In Background. I have no idea what just happened but I tell you that was weird. Later that evening, I went to my hotel for a nice bath. 5 minutes later, I saw Dallas Grimes pointing her pistol at me claiming that I made a big mistake. But before she shot me, I ran to the telephone and dialed the police. The officer that saved my life was Joe Fucking Galtosino.
I don't thanked him and he gave me my dog Precious back as she was apparently trying to be kidnapped by Dallas. I was then told that Dallas was a registered sex offender which disappointed me.
The next day, I went to visit the Piedmont Elementary School. I met some familiar people such as Pierre Gringoire, Jenny Foxworth and others. I recognized the school was having a barbecue. I met up with Caillou Bald Guy and his lovely grandpa. Then I met this woman named Juri. We both had a nice discussion and more.
Before I left the school, I spotted this air horn which would send out a diesel engine named Diesel. I asked for a ride to the airport since I decided to leave because it was an exhausting day. I got on the plane safely, and instead of sitting next to Laura, I sat next to this man named Spottswoode.
Thankfully, my dog Precious had a cage so she wouldn’t mess around. It has been nice talking with you. I gotta go because there are other things I must deal with bitch.