Credited to GarfieldFan1997 (a.k.a Ashley Armbruster)
I think we can agree that the shows we watch on TV once in a while can be a pain in the ass. In fact, speaking of which, those programs like Be Cool Scooby Doo and Planet Sheen, they suck hard! I mean, what is the point of fucking flanderizing our favorite characters?
No one ever knows but I believe the creators are on drugs. Anyways, my name is Surly. I am a purple squirrel who is the leader of Liberty Park, or a racoon was once the leader. If there’s one show I hate on this earth, It would have to be The Wiggles. Now I know what you are asking, what the fruity crap is wrong with that australian band?
Well, here’s the problem. Back in the day, my wife Andie would always play the song Hot Potato to the children who visited the park. The children would wear clothes that you’d wear on christmas day. It was summer for goodness sake when she did this stuff.
Also, my friend Buddy, he died by a car when he had airpods in his ears listening to We Like To Say Hello. Poor guy. But enough with that. I’d like to tell you about a super funny lost episode of The Wiggles that made me doze into space.
And yes Buddy fucking died.
This is the story. One day, I was at this bakery ordering a fucking cake for my sweet sister Adrienne. While waiting for the recipe to be made, this man named Mr Lickboot asked if I’d like any fucking chocolate chip cookies to go with that. I said yes and took the cake to my lovely elder.
When I got to her house, she was sitting there watching an old episode of Cherub Wings. I brought her cake to the TV table and I gave her a handshake expect she slapped my fucking hand, im about to fucking cry. She told me that she has something special. What did she give me? It was 50,000 dollars and a gift card for Blockbuster Video despite the fact that Blockbuster closed years ago.
There was a Blockbuster across the street that was still open. I went into the store and found a lot of movies such as Beavis And Butt-Head Do America, The Lion King, Spider-Man (2002), Blue’s Big Musical Movie and others. While searching for the movies I decided to get, I met up with a few people such as Nick Fury and George Knox.
They recognized the movie I was from and they told me that they bought a copy of my movie. That’s when they handed me a DVD that had Anthony from The Wiggles taking a SHIT in Jeff’s chair. “What the fuck did you just bring upon this fucking cursed land?” I yelled disappointed at them.
Nick Fury said that it was a lost episode of The Wiggles where Anthony gets diabetes. I took the DVD and went up to the clerk asking if this is an actual DVD. When she turned around, I noticed it was Akko from Little Witch Academia. I begged her to sign my autograph until she finally agreed.
I bought the DVD and went to my private spot in Liberty Park. Boy do I love that place. I have a wonderful butler named Dominic Garlic. He built a pool, game room and more. He is so awesome. right dear reader?
But anyways, I sat down in my comfy chair with a bowl of delicious chocolate ice cream ready to watch this cartoon I hated. The intro started. It was basically the intro that was on my 2002 VHS tape of It’s A Wiggly Wiggly World. However, when the theme song ended, it cut to a picture of Owen Wilson eating ass. THIS caught me completely off guard. Where did someone even obtain this fucking image from?
The episode started with The Wiggles at a golf course. But things were off. Greg, Jeff and Anthony were in their normal form, but Murray looked like Kiki from Kiki’s Delivery Service. What a way to fucking genderswap a male!
The Wiggles were playing golf until someone such as Billy Bob Tanley showed up and said, “G’day Wiggles! I’m here to give you the mail. You have to pay a bill of 12 dollars for your utility access.”
Anthony looked confused and said, “I didn’t know we get the bills every month! This is weird!” Greg told the others that since they have a lot of money and they are hungry, they should go to Subway for lunch.
Why was Subway in this fucking episode?
Anthony, Jeff and Kiki agreed with him and they all got into the Big Red Car. While driving, they got stopped by a man named Davey Stone. He said, “You got any fucking burritos?” The Wiggles said no and they kept driving.
They arrived at Subway. Greg ordered a meatball sub, Jeff got an all veggie sub, Kiki ordered a ham and cheese sub and Anthony ordered a sandwich with everything on it.
Also, the employee at the Subway appeared to be Cameron Boyce.
What The Actual fuck? Cameron Boyce was supposed to be dead in 2019! How He Was Fucking Alive In This Episode?
Then it cut to a song which was about Spider-Man clearing out the unfinished roadwork in Lego City. Here’s how the song went:
“Spider-Man is saving the town of Lego City by clearing the road. It’s so filthy and dirty so he washes it away while it snowed.”
Those were the lyrics I could remember. It cut back to Anthony about to take a humongous bite out of his sandwich. Right after doing so, he started going into diabetic shock presuming that he got fucking diabetes. The Wiggles immediately rushed him to the doctors.
And I was correct, Anthony, had diabetes. The doctor who appeared to be Ashley Armbruster demanded that he starts going on a diet until the diabetes cleared up. Then it cut to another song which had The Wiggles singing about how Phoenix Wright should be elected president of the united states.
The song was sung in the style of the star spangled banner. “Phoenix mo-fuckin Wright is so cool! He could build a big pool!” And for some reason, I don’t want to sing the entire song because this isn’t a musical.
It went back to the Wiggle house and Greg was sitting on the couch watching TV. The doorbell rang and it was Judy Pineapple. She claimed that there was mail from the Subway across the street. Greg opened the letter and it appeared to be a letter claiming that Anthony Wiggle isn’t allowed at Subway after what happened.
Meanwhile, Kiki sat down on the couch this time about to play on her Nintendo Switch, She was playing fuckin' Rocket League on the Nintendo Switch in a fucking Teaxs roadhouse and fucking SHRIEKING and slamming the table every time she lost a game, disrupting people's fucking dinner.
First off, Teaxs roadhouse was founded in 1993. Also, the Nintendo fuckin' Switch? Seriously? That didn't exist until 2017! And Second, Why She was in the fucking couch in this restaurant?
While using the Nintendo fuckin' switch, Kiki needed to use the restroom. Kiki reminded Anthony to not eat the fucking ding dongs while she was gone. Jeff walked into the room to have a nap in his chair. Anthony just sat there looking at the plate of ding dongs. He touched one but did not eat it.
But then, it went fucking downhill from here. He swapped his mind and took a direct bite out of the ding dong! Then he fell into another diabetic shock causing him to die. As HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD EVERYWHERE! All the Wiggles including Kiki rushed into the room.
Anthony fucking died.
Kiki slapped him face with her hand. They decided to host a funeral. But before that scene came on, it cut to a song which was basically a cover of Shooting Star by Owl City. However, it was performed by The Wiggles.
Then we finally got to the funeral. All of The Wiggles friends were there. But as we saw the audience. I spotted a few people such as Captain Hook, Joy Jenkins, Muddy Grimes, The tourist from Despicable Me and Captain Qwark. Then we see Julie and Annabelle from Cherub Wings who were sad to the brink. Julie said, “I can’t believe one of the members from The Wiggles had to die for us. How could diabetes ruin our lives?” Then Annabelle said, “Anthony was one of my favorite characters.”
I screamed. What the actual fuck? ABC And The Wiggles doesn't have rights to all characters!
Greg was the host of the funeral. He started off by saying, “Good evening everyone! We would like to thank you all for coming. It’s sad to see one of our good friends go away. We probably shouldn’t have been to Subway today. If anyone would like to say a few things about Anthony, you’re free to come upstage.”
Julie and Annabelle went up. Julie said, “Anthony was a perfect wiggle who loved to eat, but after Subway killed him, today it went downhill.” Then Annabelle went next and she said, “Fuck you Peter Buck for allowing ingredients that could kill one of our favorite characters!”
Then it cut to the credits. However, Murray was back to normal but he was close to the camera. I shut the DVD off and decided to go out to do some errands. The first thing I did was talk to our new mayor who was Don Fanucci. I demanded him to shut down the fucking Subway here in our town due to the fact that it killed off one of The Wiggles.
He believed me and closed it down permanently. But it went completely wrong. A few days later, I was meeting with a kid in the park named Laura who wanted to have Subway but it got closed down. I was kidnapped by this so-called villain named Vex.
I woke up in a hospital noticing my legs were quirky and I couldn’t get up. There were a few people beside me such as Mr Badger, Adam Young, Sam Bramsberry, Gordon Tubasnout, Ned Flanders, Mr Hinkle and Colonel Dodo. Vex asked me why I closed the Subway here in Oakton. I told them the truth and they cut my legs off.
How rude I tell you! But it’s a good thing because they gave me human legs afterwards. When I broke free from the hospital, I dialed 911 and got the people who took me arrested.
Why did I ever watch that DVD? Just fucking why? The next day, I decided to hire another butler in which I got Dr Blowhole cause he looked cool.
Here’s a little life lesson dear reader. Do not add everything to your sandwich when you go to Subway because that’s one way you can go into diabetic shock.