I am a huge fan of Recess. It's a show about six brave fourth-graders at Third Street School who make it their mission to protect the other kids on the playground. Despite the rule of King Bob and his minions, who enforce his unwritten laws, T.J, Ashley, Vince, Gus, Gretchen and Mikey seek a rational balance between conformity and individuality.
There's a lost episode of the series that I managed to encounter myself. Here's the story. Hey guys, My name is Frankie Foster. I am a 22 year old woman who is a maid at Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.
I am friends with Gary Johnston who had an experience with a messed up copy of Kids Favorite Songs 2. Well I had an experience like that too. But it's not about the same thing. It was an episode of Recess that was so crazy.
I was home alone when Mac, Bloo, Coco, Eduardo and the others went out to do some mall shopping. The first thing I did was take a shower and made my hair completely wet. Much like in the movie Arachnophobia.
One day, as I was going to the grocery store, I found a brown paper bag that contained a thumb drive. So instead of reporting it to the police, I took it home with me. My grandmother who lives at Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends was spending the day since it was summer break and she usually sits her ass down watching old 1990 movies and TV shows, therefore giving me a chance to view the contents in the bag more closely. I decided to put the thumb drive in my computer when I got home. In which had 2 video files named R.wmv and R2.wmv, both of them were 10 minutes each. I quickly realized that R would've standed for Recess!
And I was right. The Recess intro played as normal. After the intro, the title card came up, and the episode was called: “Spooks” I was completely shocked to see there being such an episode like this. The episode began as usual, showing the school of Third Street in the background, and the sky was dark and grey as if a storm had hit. The camera panned down showing what appeared to be Ashley Armbruster's house. The camera then zoomed in towards the window of Ashley A's bedroom. She was asleep in her bed, and her alarm clock had the hands pointing up, indicating that it was 6:00.
Ashley A woke up, Took a shower, Got dressed and went downstairs for some breakfast. It cut to Ashley A and her little brother Tyler in the dining room. Ashley A was reading a Nancy Drew book while eating some Reeses Puffs, while Tyler pestered her about the story. The volume was bad, making it hard for me to listen to. I’ll do my best to recreate what they were saying, though it’s hard to remember.
Tyler: “Why won’t you play with me, Ashley? I’m bored! Why are we even here?”
Ashley A: “Shut up, Tyler! I’m trying to read!”
The parents came down the hall, the mom looked depressed and the dad looked paranoid. Tyler ran to them, asking why Ashley A was ignoring her. The dad told him to sit down.
The next scene immediately cut to Vince Lasalle smiling with the camera zoomed deep into his face. He’s eating a chocolate cake. Strange. He’s in a library alongside several books that are not usually portrayed on the show. He’s whispering. “We’re in a part of the library where they keep the really secret, secret books…Oh. By the way. Some people think I look like Tim from The Magic School Bus. I’m really Vince Lasalle.” I’m not sure why he was telling me that. I looked at the books he was “reading.” These didn’t seem like the sorts of books children should not be reading. Go The Fuck To Sleep, All My Friends Are Dead, And plenty more. He picked up a copy of the 9/11 Commission report and started laughing rather loudly. “Let’s read some ‘nonfiction’ for a change.” He winked at the camera and threw it into the garbage. The book, not the camera.
It then cuts to TJ's house, where TJ was making himself lunch. His sister Becky was paying some bills in the house, as she was working. A knock on the door is heard and she went to check who was there. It was Ashley Spinelli. He welcomed Ashley who hugged him. Spinelli then asks TJ "Well, ready to do it?" TJ responded with a yes, as they made their way upstairs. I didn't know what the two were going to do, until they made their way to the upstairs bedroom. That is when it showed Ashley taking off her hat and coat, becoming hatless as a result. At that moment, I knew they were going to have an affair while TJ's mom and dad were away. It is unclear where Becky was at this time, most likely downstairs or in her room from my first assumptions.
I planned on shutting the thumb drive off. I knew for the love of god, this was going to ruin my image of the wonderful kids and their lovable acquaintances. The scene immediately cut to TJ and Spinelli humping in bed while an entire flock of geese family watched in amazement. I took the file out of the thumb drive. I had had enough, this was too scary for me. All of a sudden, the thumb drive started to talk in a robotic voice. “PLEASE RETURN ME TO MY OWNER.” A physical tear poured down Shrek’s eye on the front of the case. I tasted it, and it was salty.
Just then, The thumb drive, Began to sing.
America, fuck yeah! Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day, yeah.
America, fuck Yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah.
Terrorists, your game is through, 'Cause now you have ta answer to.
America, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls.
America, fuck yeah! Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you now?
It's the dream that we all share It's the hope for tomorrow (Fuck Yeah!)
"SHUT UP!" I yelled. I smashed the shit out of the thumb drive and put it in the garbage. I never watched Recess again after that. The next morning, I just got out of the shower when I saw a mirror that said, "You found my thumb drive and smashed it. I'm not mad, But I know who made the episode! - Signed Richard Fatchurd."
"Richard Fatchurd!" I mimicked to myself. I got dressed, Grabbed my keys and got in my car and drove off to the white house. Before I got in, A man named General Asquith asked who i'm here to see. I told him that I came to see Richard Fatchurd. He let me in. Richard Fatchurd was watching a movie called Ken Park from 2002 and he turned off the TV when he saw me.
I told him everything about what I found. He said that he stole it from Disney Television Animation for a screening before the episode. But they couldn't show it on TV because it was too violent for kids to watch. So there you have it, A Recess lost episode discovered by me.