I'm a big fan of the Aardman Animations, like a lot of british people. I narrowed down to the classic Wallace And Gromit episodes though, because I think what Peter Lord And Nick Park have spawned was rat-crap. Each to their own.
2006... the year Shaun The Sheep finally came to TV. Some might think that 2006 was the best year of television, but to me, it also exists as a painful memory. One that just won't go away.
I was in my room, playing on my DSi. The year was 2007, The year the nintendo wii came out 1 year later.
I only lived in a 2 bedroom house with my 4 year old as a result of the Great Recession a year earlier, and my 4 year old brother had to sleep in my room.
One night, I was watching Re-Runs of The Buzz On Maggie until the credits rolled. The shaun the sheep intro started to play. The intro played normally, Then it got to the title card but things were different, It was a 2006 episode. The title card was called Constant Murders. But believe it or not the episode started much different. The sky was red, as if it was the end of the world in this episode. The windows were boarded up as if they were not cleaned. The house had a porch, The roof was Pink, And last of all, The color of the house was Orange instead of old and tired. The scene faded to Shaun crying in the barn. Shaun said, "Why does timmy have to go? He was my favorite son of all time!" I was confused because a simple sheep talked in this episode!
Meanwhile, The Farmer was talking with a farmer asking him to babysit while he goes out to take timmy to the vet. Meanwhile, Shaun came in looking absolutely angry! Shaun said, "YOU JERKS WILL NOT BE TAKING MY SON TIMMY! HE IS MY SON AND YOU ARE THINKING OF KIDNAPPING MY OWN SON!" Then the farmer talked in english by saying, "SHAUN! FIRST OF ALL! TIMMY HAS TO GO TO THE VET BECAUSE I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR CRAP! NOW GO BACK TO THE FUCKING BARN!" The Farmer yelled.
I was speechless. I watched the rest anyway. It showed Bitzer going into the house, and The Farmer, Shirley, Hazel, and The twins getting in the car. The Farmer drove. This was silent and boring. After 12 seconds of driving in the car, Shaun had a flashback. It showed The Farmer as a 23 year old with the pilot animation. He was with Timmy, and The Farmer looked happy.
The Farmer: I love you Timmy. You're the best!
The flashback suddenly stopped! Shaun could not stop thinking of timmy going to the vet. Bitzer walks into the barn, where we see that Shaun is still crying and Nuts is playing soccer. Bitzer walks over to Shaun. As Bitzer rubs Shaun, Shaun hugs Bitzer in return for love.
Shaun and Bitzer needed to go to the hospital to stop this madness
Meanwhile, The screen fades to white, and The Farmer, Shirley, Hazel, The Twins and Timmy were in a green room with a white couch. Timmy has a band around one of his paws. As the doctor walked in, it was weird.
Doctor: Hello you guys, I heard that Timmy had a Kidney Failure. First, we will give Timmy some Saline. Then, we will give him the medicine that makes him pass away.
Shaun and Bitzer: NO!!! HE'S NOT DYING!!!
The Farmer: Shaun! Bitzer! How the hell did you get here
Shaun: I CANNOT FUCKING STAND IT NO MORE! I TOOK A LOOK AT TIMMY AND YOU'RE FUCKING LYING! NOW WE ARE GOING TO LEAVING THE HOSPITAL AND THAT'S FINAL!!!!!!!!!
Bitzer: That's Right, Owner! You better get timmy out of your sight or you're going to get it!
The Farmer: OH MY GOODNESS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS ALL ALONG?
Shaun: Because you said you were sick and tired, of, my, CRAP!
Shaun and Bitzer got home and stuck the farmer right into the fireplace! But then, the screen faded to black and then it got to an extreme closeup of Bitzer's face which landed on his eyes.
Bitzer closed his eyes and stopped breathing. The Sheep were all crying extremely hard. I actually felt sorry for him.
Then it got to another episode, The episode was called Aftermath: The Actual End. All the sheep were just still sitting there, They looked like they were about to give up faith in humanity.
"We need something fun to do today!" The Twins exclaim together. Shaun is seen in the corner, tugging away at the corner of a rug. As The Twins continue to talk, the rug is slowly pulled away more and more, revealing a trapdoor. A symbol of an eye is carved on the door along with the latin phrase "Caecus Bardus", which roughly translates to "Unintelligent Blind Man". Hazel is visibly shaking as he adjusts his house's thermostat. The thermostat is a real thermostat, not a drawn in one. In fact, many of the objects that would be made in clay motion in are more like pasted on clip art. "I need to clean myself." Shirley says. She goes into the bathroom and begins to shower. Suddenly, the ghost of timmy begins to scream! "What the heck are you doing?" the ghost of Timmy yells. Shirley sees that timmy is now a ghost, and while Timmy tries to make a cute smiley face, Shirley looked really confused. She begins to freak out and sends timmy back to heaven, making him scream while in bloody murder. He notices the ghosts of Bitzer and The Farmer. "What's next, singing ghosts?" The voice said from the other room. "I just imagined that." Shirley said. "SHEEP!" She yelled. "Help me send these ghosts back to heaven immediately." Shaun winked at the camera, and lead Shirley into the kitchen area. "I'll take your mouth too." A voice said from the other room again.
Nuts turns on the news and you can see modern footage of the 9/11 attacks, all prefilmed several years beforehand. Shaun says that isn’t the worst part: Lady Tottington and Wallace were in the towers at the time of the bombing. What proceeds is a graphic and explicit phone call of screaming and crying and Wallace saying that something terrible has happened, and Lady Tottington is dead. Wallace screams because there was no air in the building, and he’s burning to death, and that he’s going to jump.
The Sheep then decided that is fun to be alone and they stole the farmer's car to go to Denny's. As they drove to Denny’s, They saw that the diner had legendary Chupacabra aliens, the goat murdering aliens from Mexican folklore. One of the aliens got some baking soda out and began making cocaine, which one of the aliens snorted through a ventricular nostril. He called it “cosmic dust,” but it was clearly cocaine. I just didn’t like the fact that the aliens were lying to The Sheep.
It was midnight and the sheep got finished watching What Lies Beneath at the AMC Theatres. That was strange because why would movie theatres in the aardman animations world be showing a movie from the United States in a claymation world? But i shrugged it off because i've been seeing nicktoons in the united kingdom showing United States cartoons. Meanwhile the next thing they did was they snuck into maggie pesky's house and saw her go into the bathroom and saw her getting naked. Maggie walks to the tub and takes a piss in the bathtub. It was disturbing, I didn’t want to watch Maggie Pesky pissing in the tub. You could even see her black penis.
Maggie pesky heard the sound of someone laughing, She looked behind herself and saw shaun looking at her naked. Maggie screamed and she cracked her head opened like in the film Seed of Chucky.
The next scene shows timmy returning to the graveyard to bring himself back to life. Timmy finally escaped his grave and secretly cheered. But then, He walked up to the screen pretty scary!
Timmy: "WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING? WHY DIDN'T YOU TURN THE CHANNEL WHEN YOU SAW THE INTRO! YOU KNOW WHAT! SCREW YOU!
When it returned, The Twins were in the house and had photo-realistic eyes. They began to laugh diabolically for two minutes, and we heard an evil laugh so realistic that we were impressed, as if the laughing really were that Ghost of Timmy. Timmy dropped Shirley in lava, and Nuts screamed in agony. Timmy was shocked to see that, while he became hysterical, but the audio was silent. Hazel rushed forward and began to eat Timmy's Mother, but the video quality became fuzzy. After, Timmy had blood dripping from his legs.
You can only tell that time is progressing because Shaun is proceeding to grow more unkempt, nervous and dirty. The nine beds line the walls, and there are porthole windows along with a control panel that is deactivated. The food that was left for him sits in one corner of the room. He tries to ration it, but there is only enough for what seems to be a month. He also has no means of a bathroom, so he urinates and defecates on the floor. After about two minutes, two months have passed, and Shaun is looking noticeably nervous and disheveled. He's extremely hungry, more so than he's ever been. Hazel's catchphrase "I think i'm gonna be sick" begins to play, repetitively, over the music track. I think it was meant to reflect Shaun's mind, but then The Twins begin to talk. "You're hungry, aren't you" Shaun now realizes the predicament he faces. He won't survive two years in this environment, and if he tries to kill himself by smashing a porthole window, he'll kill his other students. "You didn't leave me enough food!" Shaun screams. The voice begins to grow darker and more tinged, and deeper. "Oh, but Shaun, I did." The animation does a long, slow pan across the room with what looks like a stylization of a wide-angle lens, pointing out the beds. And then the voice changes. "I am your extrasensory nervous system. This is no hallucination, Shaun. I am you.
I began to hear what the man on the radio was saying.
What I heard was:
"Well, Jim, this is a terrible situation we have here. Police have confirmed the plane carrying President Bill Clinton was hijacked by a few members of Al-Qaeda. The plane crashed into the Statue of Liberty in New York City, the city where Clinton was supposed to appear. We are unsure who else was on that plane, or if there were any casualties. I don't know anything else, but all I can tell you is the Statue of Liberty is in flames and the plane was carrying President Bill Clinton."
During the time the radio was playing, Nuts was sitting behind a rock. He had no expression on his face. He was just sitting there still. He wasn't dead, but his face almost looked like it. I thought back to Shaun's expression on the chair. Once the static ended, Nuts walked away.
The show finally ended with the rolling credits. I reported this to Aardman Animations about the episode. They told Disney Channel to stop airing it in 2009. I'm glad this nightmare is over, just.... for now.