I'm the Trashman. I eat from the garbage. Or, at least that's what people want you to believe. Sometimes, I wanted to disguise myself as Axl Rose, Dave Mustaine, or Fred Durst. Who knows? Maybe in another dimension, there is another dimension where I'm just dead. Nothing but a skeleton. Boy, I would tell you more of how much I love being a skeleton, but hey, I'm just wasting time. I only learn about portals only because of education from a fictional grandfather named Rick from the cartoon, Rick and Morty. I wanna address, I've been learning so much goddamn education from that show. There is such thing as a portal according to a real scientist formed into a cartoon character.
I maybe insane, but I am a subsitute science teacher at George Costanza High School in New York City. I told the humble students that a scientist named Rick made portals in a cartoon show, but nobody believed me. I even found props, but people think I'm in sort of denial. But no, I'm in America. Thanks Prime Minister Obama. #TrumpLivesMatter #MakeCreepypastasGreatAgain
But anyway, the class bell rang, and one student who wore a yellow shirt, and looked, well... disheveled... gave me a mysterious VHS tape. The cover was written in Times New Roman, "LOST EP OF RICK & MORTY (PEOPLE ARE SO RICK)." The student felt worried and told me not to watch the episode. I didn't know what to say at that point in time, so... he left. Meanwhile, I stepped outside of the class, went to the janitor's closet, and tried to find a TV and a VCR. Eventually, I found them. I put the tape in, and believe me, and it wasn't the true, scientifically accurate Rick and Morty episode I actually knew right from the word, "go."
The episode starts with Rick, but he looked more like a realistic duck. He even walked like how ducks walk realistically. "M-m-m-m-Morty. We-we-w-w-we*quack*-we gotta eat some Panera bread." Morty comes in, and he actually looks like Donald Duck, except drawn crudely. The only thing he has drawn right is the blue hat and the white feathers. "A jizz, reek. plz? Y u do diz tu mi, reek?" Morty says, or as this episode calls him, Mirti. Strange, this episode is basically too surreal and too meme-y, but hey, many Rick and Morty episodes are like this... but not this scientifically inaccurate.
Then, the animation changed, and we see Rick and Morty turn into koala bears as they beat the shit out of each other with baseball bats! Rick used his baseball bat to beat Morty up real hard and it went on for 3 and a half minutes, and I was shocked! Then, Summer walks in as the animation changes yet again, as Rick and Summer turn into lizards and Summer asks if he saw a lizard? Rick responds, "B-b-b-b-but, Summer... WE ARE THE LIZARDS!" His pupils turned into lizard form, then became bloodshot.
The card read, "MEANWHILE IN ANOTHER DIMENSION" as I saw nothing. Just a black screen of void. I only saw this for 2 minutes... until Morty screamed, "GET ME OUT GEORGE JETSON! PLEASE!" And a picture of George Jetson's three testicles appear out of the blue, which made me disgusted! Ugh! To add insult to injury, it came out of the screen, like it was in the third dimension! 3D, of all things! I did not wear glasses! Okay, now THAT, my friends, is scientifically accurate.
"Morty," yelled George Jetson, "you think Rick Sanchez, your tamed little Doc wannabe grandfather will save you now? Try again. You will be dead! You will be teabagged! You will learn the true definition of science! I will teabag the whole entire universe and the many dimensions of space and time! By viewing this VHS tape, this universe will be doomed. Here comes my Bean Machine..."
I screamed in horror, then ejected the tape, then ran outside as fast as I could to find a safe place, where no one can hear me or see me...
But George Jetson saw me... and shoved his three testicles to my face!