I'm going through a divorce, not upset but not surprised, it's my third marriage. I have a weird way of maintaining marriages and I'm 21 years old. Anyway, I was at the court today with my ex, discussing alimony and items that my ex-wife wants. My wife wanted the house and everything inside the house.. including our pet cat. I'm only left with a car, which sucks because I still owe a payment on the car and I work as a mascot for children's pizza place which doesn't make much. I basically lived off of each wife I marry.
I don't know why, but I really love the show Judge Judy for some reason. Her yelling and comeback comments are some of the best. But I don't obsess with the show like others do, such as Rick and Morty or Family Guy. But there is a lost tape of the show that has been hidden from the world. I'm just the lucky person to get it.
At the courthouse, the judge ordered me to give up all the property to my wife and of course, I signed the papers. After the signing, we were ordered to leave the courthouse and as we did, my ex-wife pulled me to aside. She gave me a vhs tape telling me that she wants me to keep this as she Naurto ran out of the court. I appeared disheveled as I looked on the tape, It was the “Lost Episode of Judge Judy!” How can this tape be lost if it's found? I shrugged and drove back to the motel that I'm currently living since I can't get my stuff back at the house.
I'm glad that this motel has a VHS tape, it's 2019 so there aren't any VHS players in this current digital age. I put in the tape and waited for something to appear on the screen. The logo of Judge Judy appeared on screen for like 3 minuets, then the intro appeared. It looked normal but instead of the deep voice man speaking, it was Kermit the Frog!
“You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. The people are real, the cases are real, the rulings are final. This is Judge Judy.” said Kermit as the camera switched to the audience which made me pause the tape. The audience was celebrities.. some that were cartoons!
There was: Kermit the Frog, Garfield, Alex Jones, Donald Trump, Fred Flinstone, Slenderman, Jeff the Killer, Squidward, Spongebob, Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Thanos, Pikachu, Deadpool, Christina Aguilera, Calliou (in GoAnimate form), Fred Durst, Insane Clown Possee, George Jetson, Urkel, Bradley Cooper, 90sGinger aka Ginger Spice, Dave the Useless, Rami Malek, Howie Mandel, George the Ostrich, Chris Hansen, Al Gore, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Homer Simpson, and Mr. Rogers! The rest of the audience was filled with skeletons, some real and some fake.
“George Jetson is suing his enemy, Steve Urkel for $5000 over an assault. Mr. Urkel is counter suing because George teabagged Steve first.”
“All rise!” said the bailiff, Petri Hawkins-Byrd. He hands over a folder for Judge Judy. “Your honor this is case number 666 on the count of Jetson vs. Urkel. Parties have been sworn in, you maybe seated.”
“George Jetson, this is your enemy, Steve Urkel.” said Judy as George nodded. “You guys got into a fight, you said that Steve was the cause of the fight as a result you got punched in the stomach. You say Steve owes you 5000 dollars for the assault. Steve is countersuing because you teabagged him which caused him to be self-defensive. Is that correct?”
“Yes!” Steve said as he glared at George. “He assaulted me and gave me severe PTSD! Once you are teabagged by him, you'll never be the same!” Steve growled while doing his laugh at the same time. It was weird, Judy didn't tell Steve to be quiet like a normal judge.
“So what happened was that I was walking down the street because I had work.” said Urkel.
“Where do you work at?” Judge Judy ordered, she looked very spooky like her eyes were showing hyper realistically and her skin was getting flaky like pie crust.
“I am a host of 'Who Wants to Win $576,” Urkel asserted. “I was walking to my job, doing absolutely nothing. When George instantly teabagged me out of no where! George has a reputation of being violent and teabagging people. It's not my fault his show got canceled, he needs to get a life and see psychiatric help!”
Judge Judy banged her fist on the booth she was in, for no apparent reason. I guess it was a way to keep Urkel in check, because of that, Urkel was disheveled. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, she took a cigarette out and began smoking. HEY! She can't smoke in the court room, I was about to call the cops!
“Well you see, your honor,” said George Jetson, “I didn't do anything. Simple. I rest my case.” He instantly dabbed and as a result of that, Judge Judy threw her cigarette at George hitting him on the forehead. To be honest, if someone dabbed like that in 2019, they deserved to have a cigarette thrown at them.
“I've heard about you George,” Judge Judy said, “I know you have a reputation of teabagging, you were sentenced for community service. But you owe Urkel $5000 dollars for physical and emotional damage. Get the fuck out of my courtroom!”
The tape cut to Urkel and George having a interview after the ruling.
“He is clearly a mad men, I hope he gets the help he needs!” Urkel said, “I'm trying to work on my life and be a better person.” As Urkel was gonna talk more, George Jetson instantly teabagged Urkel which caused the camera to cut to the next case.
“All Parties in the matter of Spice vs Cooper. Step forward please.” Byrd shouted. “21 year old, Ginger Spice, is suing 44 year old, Bradley Cooper, for emotional damaged. Ginger claims, Bradley Cooper ruined her life.” said Kermit the Frog.
“Ms. Spice, you claim that Oscar Nominated Bradley Cooper ruined your life.”
“Yes that is correct, he's just a bad person in general.” said Ginger as Judge Judy began to show hyperrealistic red eyes. How is this a case? WHY does this tape exist? Why am I having a midlife crisis?!!??! Bradley Cooper shook his head, that made Judge Judy loose it. She told Bradley to leave the court, when he refused, two of the skeletons from the audience dragged him out. The rest of the skeletons joined up and began to beat him up with baseball bats.
For some reason, Judge Judy lost it, she went ballistic and instantly got on top of her chair. She bent backwards and began to screech like a demon. She began to do back flips from the bench to the exit door. Everyone froze in silence as the credits stuck to a quick static. I still froze in terror, what I saw gave me severe chills down my spine, even using Shaquille O'Neal icy hot patch to my back doesn't solve the problem. As a result, I've become paralyzed from the waist down and bound to a wheelchair. No women will ever date me because of my condition, and I lost my job at the pizza place. I live in my mom's basement and I have nothing else to do in my life.
I plan to make a lawsuit on the people behind this tape, and we will be on Judge Judy.