Hi everyone, I'm a YouTuber and I like to watch YouTube videos. I'm trying to become a big YouTuber just like every 14 year old that is obsess with Minecraft. Oh, if anyone wants to know when reading this, I enjoy the youtube channel Dead Meat. They're a channel that does kill counts of horror movies, and they're obsess with horror movies. So yeah... thought I'd let you know on that.
One day I was on YouTube when I saw in my recommendations, a video that was from Dead Meat. It said: A SPECIAL MARATHON KILL COUNT! CLICK HERE TO WATCH!.I was actually happy that one of my favorite Youtube channels uploaded a video. I clicked on it and something was off, when the intro was shown, it had a goofy clown noise. Like, it was playing clown honk noises instead of the techno music, that was just childish! But I continued watching as always, hoping it was just a stupid prank.
"Welcome to the Kill Count, where we tally up the victims in all our favorite horror movies! I'm James A Janisse and today I got something special for you guys! I'm doing three spooky kill counts for you guys! I got obsess with these lost episodes and felt it would be a great episode for you guys. There's this thing called Creepypasta and the community claims that they're fake! But they're not fake I can tell you that, I can also tell you that they're gorey and have a lot of kills! Which let's get right into them!”
While he was talking, something was off in my opinion. His right eye was twitching constantly, and he looked very disheveled. I just shrugged it off as a typical James moment. It cut to the Kill Count picture with the same goofy clown noise before showing a cartoon.
It cut to footage of the show, the Jetsons, that was a cartoon in the 1960s set in a futuristic setting. Just letting the Generation Z know that, not the boomers.
“Our first video is from the old show called the Jetsons! In this one, instead of George being a perfect father/husband, he is a violent killer. On this episode with its blood font TITLECARD, it's called: “GEORGE JETSON MURDERED HIS FAMILY IN A TRASH COMPACTER!”
He screamed out loud, like a chimpanzee when he said that. “Our episode starts with a angry George Jetson, speeding through the futuristic traffic, he was pissed! Like it seems he wanted to kill someone.”
“Goddamn space lights, police state, my heart is filled with scrambled eggs...” said George Jetson, it cut to James. “You said it, George, and honestly, I like my eggs scrambled!” After he said that a ton of eggs were thrown at him, some rotten and some fresh. “It cut to an angry George, his first victim is the housecleaning robot, Rosie.”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU GOD DAMN SACK OF NUTS AND BOLTS.” George said. “Well I never!” Rosie replied, this is when things got really dark. “The next scene shows George unzipping his pants and teabags the robot. Fun fact: It's illegal for robot-human sexually activity in the space world. Just wanted to let people know, especially microwave fuckers.” There was a microwave prop in the background of his items, which sounded fishy, but it could just be a microwave for delicious food. Also, he didn't blur the footage, so I had to watch graphic content; which is against the YouTube standards.
“Rosie the Robot is on fire as a result of the teabagging, she dies from the fire and being punched in the robot vagina. She falls from the window, George jumps out of window and teabags Rosie.” The kill count is show and is in a different font, the Comic Sans font.
“His son Elroy falls on a banana peel and gets teabagged by his father.” That footage is shown, and it made me loose it. “Here son, try them! They're space pills.” said George giving his son cyanide pills. “He gives his poor son cyanide pills and as a result he dies.” said James as he added him to the kill count, he even added the coroners to the kill count! “His wife, Jane comes in and George is upset.”
“YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH A SENTIENT BLENDER!” said George. “He throws a futuristic sandwich at his wife, which causes her to fall on the grown like bowling pins. George Jetson comes close to his wife and delivers an excellent line.”
“Let's get some future mayo on it.”
I had to witness the most disgusting thing ever in this clip. I'm not gonna say what happened.
“George is seen putting his whole family in a trash compactor, so I'm going to count his daughter Jane on the kill count. We don't see her death unfold.” said James. “He turns his family into cheap plastic lawn chairs.”
“George Jetson begins talking about some deep metaphor; he hears a doorbell ring and it's a pizza man. You hear a scuffle and a gun shot. I'm going to add the pizza man to the kill count; he was probably a Papa Johns employee. They make the best pizza.” James began looking very pale, like he lost all his blood and everything.
“The episode ends with George Jetson nut sack shown in high definition. How many victims got turned into plastic lawn chairs? Lets get to the numbers and find out!” James grabs a DVD which said: Bukkake Disabled Cumslut Cowgirls with Dyslexic Legal Midgets 12 1/2 (inches). It cut to James in a white screen. “A total of eight people died in our episode, if you count robots as humans. A female robot, two women, and five men, giving us this mostly blue pie chart. We had a kill count every 5.76 minuets. I'll give the golden chainsaw too Rosie the Robot, being punched in the robot vagina was the most hilarious thing ever!! I'll give the dull machete too the two coroners, it was just a pointless death.”
Just like this video I'm watching, it's pointless! “Our next episode is on the Magic School bus, so beep beep mother fuckers. Let's hope right in!” said James, who was beginning to have a cocaine episode, there was coke on his bloody nose!
“Our Episode starts with Miss. Frizzle teaching science in her classroom. She's a teacher by the way.” James noted, who was wearing an Urkel outfit, just without the blackface. Something was off about this. It sounded like James was voicing the characters. He had a bad British accent for Ms. Fizzle, he was giggling like an idiot during this. I saw the lizard was walking over the desk, knocking over her coffee. Uh oh.
“HOW DARE YOU!!!” said with angrily anger, she grabbed the lizard and threw it into the window. “Liz the Lizard is the first on the kill count rest in peace. It cuts to the Arnold, asking what will they'll be learning today.”
“Arnold, we're going on a field trip, everyone get the bus!” she said very Britishly, it was rushed very quickly to everyone heading to the bus. “Now, we're expecting one the best moments in this episode are you guys ready?”
“NO.” I said, I just wanted to shut this off, but I just didn't feel like it.
“I heard yes! You better watch this shit or else!” said James who was holding a gun at the camera. He was smiling sadistically, he had cocaine all over his face and his pupils were big.
I couldn't click out of it. I had to watch it or else this guy would kill me.
“Are you excited to see something awesome, kids?!” shouted out Ms. Frizzle. The kids screamed out yes. It cut to the flying bus being flowed into a tall building, like a 9/11 rip off. “HOLY SHIT!” I screamed out.
“The bus flies straight into the tall building causing the kids, Ms. Frizzle and the people inside the building to die. There was a total of 575 people that died, the episode ends with it's happy credits.”
I'm starting to think that there was something evil about this marathon. This person needs help!
“How many people died from not putting their seat belts on the school bus? Let's find out by getting to the numbers!” said James as he drinks some green liquid from a beaker and walks out of the camera.
“A total of 576 victims died today. One female lizard, five women, four men and 566 non-gender victims, giving us this very disheveled pie chart. With the run time of 10 minuets, that gave us a kill every 5 minuets.”
He went on how the golden and dull awards went to the gruesome deaths. I was starting to get sick to my stomach, and I couldn't take this anymore, I needed to get out of it. I exited out of the browser and needed to rest, until I heard a knock on my door. I answered it, and it was a pizza man, he gave me a pizza and said: This one is on the house.
“Um. okay.” I said, I opened the box up. There was a glock baked into the pizza, on top of the box there was something scribbled in sharpie.
“RETURN BACK TO THE MARATHON OR YOU WILL BE DISINTEGRATE YOU INTO PIECES! From James A Janese “
Not like I had any other choice, I signed, going back to my computer while eating the gun pizza I had. I clicked on the video and continued watching.
“Our final kill count is something spooky are you guy ready?” he asked, there was a sound of kids saying “Yes!”
“Alright lets get ready!” said James who was wearing a circus outfit. It cut to the clown music and showed a circus. “Our last episode is set in a circus, a spooky circus to be exact! There are skeletons everywhere!” Footage of a skeleton circus is shown, and a zoo is shown filled with all animals. It seemed like a normal circus, but they were just skeletons.
“That doesn't seem spooky, that's just a skeleton circus!” I said, getting frustrated with watching this. “Don't worry you haven't seen it yet!” James exclaimed, he was holding a remote that had a red button on it. He pressed the button, and the gates to the circus exploded! “Oh my god!!” I started to cry, what I just witnessed skeletons being murdered by lions, apes, and elephants. Bones were flying everywhere, the animals were escaping!
“A total of 9,000 skeletons died today, what a boney experience!” said James, with his coked out nose and eye twitching. “Let's get to the numbers! Let's get to the numbers! Let's get to the numbers! Lets get to the numbers! LETS GET TO THE NUM-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” James suddenly exploded into confetti and floating sign read: “YOU FREED HIM, THANK YOU!”
The video ended, showing the recommended videos in the screen. I checked the comments to see if anyone saw what I saw, but no one said anything. Everyone was commenting on how the video was great and they got to learn new things. What the fuck.
I decided to email James to see what the hell happened, I demanded my sanity to be fixed. He responded with: Oh the one where I exploded into confetti and the 9/11 reference? I was high on coke that night when I made it. Sorry if I gave you PTSD, here's a free t-shirt, though! :) “
Well, on the plus side, I get a free Dead Meat t-shirt.