DESPICABLE ME (2009 VERSION)
Hi! I must tell you this story! I’m pretty sure of you have heard of that CGI animated movie called Despicable Me, right? WelI let me explain it to you in case you're not sure about it. It involves a man named Gru who is known as the World's Greatest Villain and his hilarious crew of minions planning to steal the moon and adopting three orphan girls named Margo, Edith and Agnes. But what a lot of you don't know, is that there is a beta version of this movie that came out in 2009 which was something way different.
In case you make sure to not look for some movies other like Toy Story Ü, Toy Story Ü 2, Toy Story Ü 3, Toy Story Ü 4, and Toy Story Ü 5, I found a streaming website, and I found Despicable Me. However the Universal logo looked pink for some fuckin reason. As this went on, I heard what sounded like the voice of Mindy Cohn saying "Get Ready, For The Fucking Despicable Me Movie........" Then the despicable me logo came up for some fuckin reason, and it said, 2009, which was extremely odd considering the film was released in 2010. Then it said, buy in DVD NOW. My uncle came to the shop for no reason, then he bought the DVD of the fucking 2009 version of Despicable Me, then he drove for it was like fucking 5 minutes, then he came home with the fucking DVD. He then gave the DVD to me and said "I hope you enjoy the film!" before going upstairs for some alone time.
I made myself some chocolate covered popcorn, turned on my Blu Ray player and proceeded to put the DVD into it. The usual menu came up but the music sounded like it was from the 50 cent massacre album. I ignored how weird the music sounded and pressed play with my DVD remote. I could never expect what came next. The Universal Studios logo played but it was in g major. The Illumination logo then showed up but instead of it having a minion walking in and falling over to the music, Gru walked in and used his Freeze Ray to freeze the logo. He looked towards to viewer and said "Time for this chaos to begin!" before walking away. i was already wondering what the hell was going on but I immediately shrugged it off.
The movie opened on the logo which read "DESPICABLE ME" in it's usual text like it did in the original version. Next, it showed Gru and his minions vandalizing a fucking bakery. “I sure am the greatest villain of all time." Gru said happily as his minions started cheering. Gru then gets into his fucking huge car, the Gru mobile and the minions get into it as well. It then showed Gru driving the Gru mobile through the city while he ran over pedestrians and various vehicles as the song "Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen played in the background. This scene went on for three minutes before Gru makes it into his house and he and his minions get out of the Gru Mobile. Once they were out, the minions decided to watch some shitty baseball tournament against the St. Louis Cardinals and the Pittsburg Pirates while Gru decided to call his mom on his cell phone. This is how the call went:
Gru's mom: Hello Gru! How has your life been?
Gru: My life has been truly evil mom! I just vandalized a local bakery!
Gru's mom: I like to hear that you did some vandalizing, Gru. You make your mother so proud of yourself!
Gru: Thank you Mom! Is there anymore evil that I should do now?
Gru's mom: I want you and your minions to go to Kentucky for some more villainous work, so goodbye!
Gru: Alright, goodbye Mom! *hangs up*
"MINIONS!" Gru shouted as the minions turned off the TV and ran towards Gru. "We need to go to Kentucky and do some villainous work there." Gru said to his minions. Two of the minions who were Dave and Stuart decided to go on a fucking airplane in order to go to Kentucky. Gru seemed fine with that and decided to take a rest on his recliner while the minions got out the house to get an airplane. After about two and a half minutes of Gru relaxing in his recliner, he suddenly heard the sound of a jet engine and decided to go outside to investigate. Once, he got outside he saw a fucking jetBlue airplane right infront of his house. The airplane door then opened revealing a built in staircase and Gru happily walked into the plane as the staircase retracted and the door closed by itself.
Once Gru got in the airplane, he was hoping to find his minions in their and luckily they were all in the passenger seats welcoming Gru. Gru then goes into the very front of the airplane to see Minion Tim sitting in the captain's seat all buckled up. "Now let's go to Kentucky for some evil work!" Gru said as he sat down on the co-pilot's seat and buckled up. "KENTUCKY!" shouted the minions as Minion Tim started flying the airplane.
As the jetBlue airplane took off, Gru looked through the window and what he saw was truly mind-blowing. The fucking Iron Vulture from the Disney cartoon TaleSpin appeared out of the clouds and began shooting missiles at the jetBlue airplane. The jetBlue airplane managed to dodge a few of the missiles before the Iron Vulture shot the very end of the airplane. "Minion Tim, we must go faster!" Gru hollered to Minion Tim. As expected, Minion Tim then drove the jetBlue airplane faster but the Iron Vulture continued to follow the airplane. Suddenly three of the minions being Jerry, Phil and Carl got outside of the jetBlue airplane by opening and emergency exit which was on the ceiling of the airplane for some reason and attempted to do their best to destroy the Iron Vulture by using some crazy weapons they had in their pockets. First, Jerry tried using a whizzer whistler to blow away the Iron Vulture but that didn't work as the Iron Vulture was too strong, next Phil tried using a jelly blaster to blind the vision on whoever was driving the Iron Vulture but that didn't work as the Iron Vulture had windshield wipers for some reason, finally Carl flew towards the Iron Vulture holding a fart blaster riding a rocket powered hovercraft and used his fart blaster to blast the Iron Vulture with it and succeeded as the Iron Vulture suddenly ran out of fuel and fell to the ground until it exploded into chunks of metal.
The jetBlue airplane eventually makes it to Kentucky and the minions as well as Gru got out of the airplane to go do some villainous work. It then showed a montage of Gru and his minions destroying Kentucky with his various weapons he had in his pockets for some reason. After it was all over, Gru and his minions flew all the way back to his house and Gru's mom was there to congratulate Gru for destroying Kentucky. The minions, Gru and his mom walk into Gru's house and celebrated the destruction of Kentucky. After that, the screen zoomed out to reveal that the entire thing was playing on a SONY flat screen television. The people who were watching the television were Dogtanian and Juliette from Dogtanian and The Three Muskehounds.
"My goodness that motion picture was really kickass!" Dogtanian said before continuing with "What did you think of it, Juliette?"
"I actually thought it was kickass as well Dogtanian!" Juliette said.
All of a sudden, Dogtanian's stomach then began to rumble.
"Juliette, I'm getting extremely hungry. Do you think we should go out to a fancy restaurant?" Dogtanian asked Juliette.
"Of course Dogtanian. I will do anything to take care of that stomach of yours!" Juliette replied.
Dogtanian and Juliette then walked out of the room were the television was as the movie ended without any credits.
My parents then walked into the room that I was in and asked what was going on. I simply told them that I watched a beta version of Despicable Me and they seemed confused on why there would be a beta version of Despicable Me. I told them that it was my uncle who gave me the DVD and my parents were shocked to hear the news. I told them not to worry as my uncle was just a sick trickster and they immediately noticed my thoughts right away.
So if you see a beta version of Despicable me, do me a favor and please tell your family that it was very different compared to the final film.