I love Bob’s Burgers. No it's not my Chicken Tendies talking… I actually am a fan of the show… This show is currently on my top 3 favorite shows. So much so, I have collected all 5 seasons (well, to that point), a Tina and Gene coffee mug, a BurgerBoss game, a Louise bunny hat, et al. I even had myself a Bob’s Burger-O’s, a cereal full of burger ingredients; but that by itself contained a lost episode on VHS. Ohhh boy, I just love a lost episode; and it was a videotape fresh from a cereal box. To be frank, I’ve encountered many lost episodes before, like ALF, Muppets, Metroid, Home Improvement, Seinfeld’s The Warning, DragonballZ, Dudley DoRight, Adventure Time, MST3k, Fresh Prince, the WWF… ohhh those were beautiful lost episodes. But this… this was strange. When I put on the TV, put the VHS tape in my own VCR player cause I couldn't afford a Blu-Ray/DVD/Netflix/Digital Amazon combo pack; but regardless, as I pushed play… this is what I got.
When the intro played; well, the music was instead just dull xylophone playing as the burger unfolds, then introducing the Belcher family looking utterly expressionless. In addition, their clothes were filthy as if they were homeless. When the rats came in bob’s ol burger joint; the rats took ‘em followed by series of loud screaming from the family. That intro shook me so much I almost fainted and gushed cum all over my carpet, but alas, I got up and nothing's ever gonna keep me down, even if I get knocked down, and thus the episode begun.
The episode starts off immediately with Louise in the kitchen looking for a grappling hook and yelled, “I FOUND A GRAPPLING HOOK.” I'm not totally sure if it correlates to the plot of this episode at that moment but I carried on nevertheless.
Despite the ugly as hell intro, the episode so far started normal until we get to the 2 minute mark. O hai 2 minutes, you’re spooky today. I noticed that the colors were changed to pencil shades as if this was a-ha’s Take on Me; but this was more chaotic. While using the grappling hook she was attempting a plot to kill her family.
I know a lot of you are thinking to yourselves either two things:
- “Ohhhh Louise had bloodshot eyes and looked really disheveled; there was so much blood and gore. Ooooh a skeleton popped out as Louise attacked. Oh noes.”
- “Everything that she's been doing is comedic and is setting out hilarious booby traps, plus there will be explaining as to why.”
Guys, it's neither of these. It's much worse actually.
The next scene has the family in the main dining room of the restaurant. Bob tells his kids to go ahead and work. Linda is in her goofy self, but more bruised up as if Bob was aggressively abusing her offscreen, yet in this scene everything seems normal like nothing happened, as it looked like a “This Is Fine” scene. Gene felt unusually insecure, Tina looked horrifying depressed as usual; as if she was in a downward spiral, and Louise- well she was doing some loud whimpering sounds as if she acted like a crying kitty cat or even a giant whale. But as the parents leave the scene, Louise grinned as if she was Jack Nicholson’s character from Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.
The rats crawled to the restaurant without a warning causing Gene to cry hysterically, “LOOK AT THESE RATS. THEY RAP- LIKE MR. BOOMBASTIC.” Hell one rat looked like Biggie Cheese from Back at the Barnyard. By the way, there has been a lost episode of Back at the Barnyard that not a lot of people heard ab-- anyway, sorry my ADHD has been kicking. I forgot to take my meds.
While this unfolds, Tina was the first to be eaten by rats. Instead of a groan, she screamed out of her lungs in the most non-acting way possible.
In the next scene, Gene tries to get his own gorilla mask; but then, like Randy Orton’s RKO straight outta nowhere, an ape that sorta resembles Harambe falls down with a gunshot in his back. Gene ran fast out of the restaurant screaming out loud. Hell, as a matter of fact I would too. I was too scared to watch this. I'm surprised it wasn't my ADHD or the voices in my head just saying this.
Right when Jimmy Pesto; the neighborhood pizza owner was ready to call either their parents or the cops; Louise was shown with a grappling hook. She used it to grab Pesto’s spinal cords in her back. At that point I was ready to shut the tape off. I cannot handle being scared at this time. I tried finding a fidget spinner; but I remembered I do not have it. I ran out of money just to afford one.
As Louise grasped Jimmy Pesto, she muttered to her in a sinister way, “You know my dad wants this to happen at some time.” She then set both restaurants on fire as the episode acted like she was Bane from The Dark Knight Rises.
But where were Bob and Linda…? They were also happened to be at Jimmy Pesto’s Pizza. They were burnt to pieces. But what's funny was that Jimmy and Bob were enemies competing each other as rival restaurants. Good Burger anyone?
I shut the tape off nevertheless. I got so frightened that I snatched the tape out of the dull VCR- I ran out of my apartment with my fat belly just trying to lose weight, and I threw the tape in the lake as I threw rock with. That tape will sail away. And it will burn.
I tried to walk back home, but somebody used the grappling hook and grasped the back of my skin. I fainted. As I woke up, Louise was there with Mabel from Gravity Falls and Sarah Lynn from BoJack Horseman. But here’s the truth bomb-
These three were in a disguise. Sarah was Jerry Seinfeld, Mabel was Hank Hill, and Louise- she was George Fucking Jetson.
Lou- I mean George Jetson said to the other two, “Well guys, what should I do with that grappling hook.” Jerry Seinfeld as Sarah responded, “Turn him into a bee. No need to worry, I’m a lizard.” Mabel/Hank commented, “Tell you hwhat I say we use propane to shove the valve into his mouth. I think considering a grappling hook is not the only device of killing.” Jetson replied to Hank, “Great idea.”
That was exactly what happened. All three shoved a valve of- Bob Belcher’s Propane in my mouth as I fainted. No meds to take. Nothing. I am dead inside.
Louise Belcher… forgive me for using my fanboy goggles for this.
...or is it?