There is an episode of the animated Batman show that is unlike any other. Test audiences refused to even talk about it because a lot of the elements were far too offensive for what was daytime family friendly programming. In particular, Batman takes a dark turn toward the end of the episode that completely changes the show’s backstory but also contains highly graphic and explicit details that don’t belong anywhere near the original source material. I worked in the building where Fox Kids produced it, and let me tell you: it was so graphic and disturbing that test audiences physically vomited and several refused to even respond to phone calls after what is now referred to in the office as “the incident.”
The cartoon starts as normal, except Batman is shown shopping at a department store while wearing the costume. At first it seemed as though he realized this, but it soon became clear he forgot to change his outfit. This was disturbing. “I WANT SIZE 40 PANTS!” he barked, in a gruff, angry voice. Batman was supposed to be a symbol of hope for the people of Gotham. A symbol… of justice, of righteousness in a crooked world.
Batman buys his pants and goes home. He’s driving his bat car and it’s swerving all over the road like he’s drunk. “Fucking Joker!” Batman yells, the word “fucking was not bleeped, to the chagrin of Fox News, who paused the production and demanded late revision changes. Batman storms into his mansion, to see robin doing shirtless ab exercises while eating a ham sandwich. “Let’s go into the sauna, bat-boy.” Robin winks, and drops the towel, revealing his genitalia. Batman angrily balls up his fist, balling, and balling his fist. “I’ll turn the heat up to 96 degrees.” He keeps squeezing his fist, a vein travelling up his neck, his face under the mask disheveled. “YOU’RE JUST A SYMBOL FOR MY DEEPLY REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL URGES!” He stammers and picks up robin and throws him out the window, shattering the glass. You see robin laying on the floor, blood pouring from his head, covered in red feathers and shards of glass, his neck broken. “Looks like the bird’s left the cage.” Batman stammers, and goes into the kitchen and starts drinking a beer. Batman…was drinking a beer. This was disturbing. He stubs his toe on the refrigerator and screams. “THAT FUCKING JOKER!” He shakes his fist at the sky, shaking, and shaking his fist.
“A message for you Mr. Wayne, I’m scared to ask what it’s about.” It was his butler, Alfred. What Batman said next really confused me. “What’s the matter Alfred, chicken?” Alfred shook his head confused and offered him the phone. The camera cuts to Bruce wayne, who is still wearing the Batman costume but naked from the waist down. “WHERE ARE MY PANTS, ALFRED?” He screams. Alfred leaves the room quickly, confused. Batman is shown talking on the phone to commissioner Gordon. Evidently the joker killed a family of four and performed a c-section on the now dead mother, and was holding the half developed fetus hostage at gunpoint atop the WB water tower.
Bruce Wayne gets really mad now, fuming mad. You see steam rising from his ear canal. “YOU’RE JUST A BUTLER FOR MY REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL URGES!” Bruce wayne screams. Alfred looks confused. He picks up a table and slams it into alfred’s face. There’s a loud crack and he falls over, bleeding, cold. Dead. Batman goes into the bat cave and changes into Bruce Wayne, as the bat symbol was in the sky,
It turns out the Joker never existed. Bruce Wayne made him up, so he could go by night, causing chaos and turmoil using his split alter ego. He made up the butler too, as he was forced to prepare his own drinks and sandwiches. You see him dragging mascara across his face and crying, holding the dead body of a fetus. Now for the really sick part. Commissioner Gordon starts screaming because someone left poison gas in the office, you hear him choking and wheezing, but he mentions there’s a nuclear weapon in the middle of the city, and he only trusts Batman with the coordinates.
Batman smiles and the scene doesn’t change for fifteen seconds. You later find out that he never forgave Gotham for killing his parents, and the infrastructural failing that led to him growing up an orphan. He knew if he simply became a villain, then he’d be a petty thug, no. He had to earn their trust, over the years, slowly giving him the ultimate authority, until something really dangerous happens, he starts jacking off in the pod, and then BLAM. Batman starts laughing to himself as his bat car turns into a flying bat pod, and he zooms, at 600 mph into a brick wall. “Where’s your fucking morals? Where are your fucking morals now? This entire world is just a symbol for my repressed homosexual urges.”
An immediate explosion is seen, with the entirety of gotham burned to a crisp. The camera cuts to a highly realistic drawing of a human skull, on fire, as the clearing smoke and ash reveal that everything in the vicinity has been immediately vaporized. The bat signal is still shown, barely blinking, dying.
Batman is still alive, barely, as the Kevlar suit protected his highly burned and immolated skull. His face is literally melting, you see Bruce Wayne’s eyes about to pop out of their skull. “This…heat shahrhfj…” He struggles, as his melting face becomes concave and his teeth pop like popcorn. “THirght heeathg isth justhh a thuimble fort my retpgetrhred thomgothexual rhgura.dd.dd.” He starts mumbling, crawling across a wasteland of dead bodies as his arm breaks off and melts into a puddle of hot glue in the burning hot floor. Batman was dead…but among the sizzling, you hear the sound of… hot kettle corn popping. That was when the joker appeared, but this was no joke. “How about some butter to go with that hot kettle corn?!” He hissed. He’s shown cooking hot popcorn on top of the burning, decaying, flaming corpses of the citizens of gotham. He starts eating the popcorn. “You could say, I murdered your family and am using the heat generated by their death to prepare hot kettle corn!” He laughs, to himself, he’s basically talking to himself because everyone else is dead.
The bat symbol is still blinking, barely blinking. A faint light emenates, a glimmer of hope. Commissioner Gordon, bleeding with his skull visual, is shown crying. “You were supposed to be a symbol. A symbol for hope in this downtrodden world. “But you’re not that.” He says. “You’re just some fucking lunatic who dresses up as a bat. And the worst part is, we trusted you. I trusted you. You were supposed to save us, but instead you ended up killing us. I guess a little bit of chaos is necessary in a free and functioning society. I invited you into the office and you tried to fuck me in the ass. Hashtag #metoo, during the sexual revolution we’ll all cut our genitals off.” Gordon dies.
The scene cuts back to the joker.
The Joker picks up the unborn fetus, which was in his pocket and starts dangling it. “What’s the matter batman?” The joker punches it In the face, killing the baby. “Now that’s what I call a fourth trimester abortion.” But it’s not clear who he’s talking to, because batman is clearly dead. “It’s not gay if you only want to fuck yourself!” He laughs, loudly, this was disturbing. But I understood the point. Batman, as a result of severe psychological trauma at watching his parents being murdered, developed a split personality. 1. Bruce Wayne, the crime fighter who was a billionaire by day and a caped crusader by night. 2. The joker, an insane murderous clown hellbent on reminding him about his repressed homosexual urges. The Joker starts dry humping a tree, fucking, and dry humping the tree. “I’m a dendrophile!” He screams. “Happy fuckin’ arbor day!” There were literally dead bodies just a few feet away from him, and he ejaculates on them. I guess it was supposed to be like black comedy, like haha, he’s jacking off on trees, and it’s supposedly arbor day. You wouldn’t get it, it’s too complex.
But what he says next is the most disturbing.
“And the worst part is, there’s millions of us. In the sewers, under your feet, in the groundwater, in the walls, the social pariahs, the leftover cocaine dust, your best friend, tv and pop tarts, baseball and orange soda. We’re all just a bunch of fucking kernels, so watch out. Ya never know when we’re gonna burst. Any day now and the heat’ll be too fucking much, and pip, pop. Social credit Armageddon. Raining hamsters and gerbils. The lepers and the prostitutes fucking as their limbs fall off. You’re all gonna fucking burn. This popcorn is just a symbol for my repressed homosexual urges!” You hear a loud “POP” that sounds like a gunshot and the tape exploded, hot plastic and melting VHS tape permanently injuring test audiences, who sued for millions but didn’t get a penny, because the lawyers were able to successfully argue in court that the injuries were just a symbol for their repressed homosexual urges.