Batibot is a Philippine television educational show produced by the Philippine Children's Television Foundation. It debuted in 1984 as the replacement of Sesame, a co-production of PCTV and the Children's Television Workshop from 1983 to 1984. The precursor of Batibot was Sesame, intended as the Filipino version of the American children's show, Sesame Street, which educates preschoolers through dance, song, and role-play educational skills through them. Sesame was a co-production of the Philippine Children's Television Foundation (PCTF) and the Children's Television Workshop (CTV) with support from the Philippine government. Sesame aired in 1983 as a bilingual Filipino and English program. The series featured two Muppet-style characters Pong Pagong and Kiko Matsing. Both characters were inspired from a Filipino fable, "The Monkey and the Turtle", which was annotated to English by José Rizal in 1889. The show lasted a long good run from 1985 to 2013, With about 4 seasons and many episodes. And sometime ago, I have seen a lost episode of the show that I thought many kids would be scared.
One day, I went to my local thrift shop that had almost everything such as VHSes, DVDs, and others. I was browsing some VHS tapes when I found a weird tape. There was black writing on it saying "Batibot: THE VERY FIRST EPISODE IN ENGLISH!!!" Huh, so I was being surprised about this. Just then I bought the VHS, and returned home. That's exactly was the VHS looked like, which had Pong Pagong doing a T-pose, and Kiko Matsing was there literally doing the same pose. and I should about probably guess, the VHS was copyrighted 2019. If I was correct, then...oh wait, why didn't that show air any episodes for YEARS!?! Well, who actually cares! I proceeded to put the VHS in my VHS player.
The first thing that came on was the FBI Warning and PCTV logos, played normally, but something shocked me. It then showed the 1984 Random House Home Video logo, as well as the FHE logo from 1986 and the DreamWorks logo from 1997. What on earth was this? A bootleg or something? Who cares! And then, It went straight to the intro from 1995 as usual, but something was wrong. The music was in reverse, and the children didn't even sing the song. Instead, there was a German accented voice saying: "Hello ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Batibot, a Filipino Sesame Street, made for dummies, like you. We kick things off with the super cool opening song, then p.s. We now invite all you super cool parents to come join us as we countdown the top ten Batibot-" It then went straight to the episode.
It started with the usual look of where the show takes place, but it looked weird. It was haunted, and there were skeletons dancing in the background. Pong Pagong then came in looking like JoJo from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and his voice kinda sounded different from the original. His voice sounded like Lou Albano from the Super Mario Brothers Super Show, except a bit raspier and deeper. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the guy who found this tape at a thrift store.D" Pong said as he looked directly at me through the screen. Why would he do this? I was thinking this is a bootleg or something... We then see Kiko Matsing, but his voice sounded different too. He sounded like Luigi from the aforementioned show. "Goodness me, Pong! Did you fuck up again?" Kiko said. "Damn it, asshole. I should get fucked." Pong said. That made Kiko mad! "FUCK YOU, BITCH!" That was strange. Seeing them swear at each other seemed very uncharacteristic of them! Somebody else then appeared, It was Koko from Koko Kwik Kwak, but his voice kinda sounded like Steve Urkel. He said the following; "THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT PLANNED 9/11!" Pong then said: "Who gives a shit? I just fought Big Bird with my powerful arms."
It then cut to a church. The interior of the church has all Sesame Street international characters. What the fuck? They're in this show too? Is this starting to be a crossover? What really grinds my fucking gears is. whatever. And then, Aberaldo Montoya appeared, but his voice sounded like Goliath from House of Mouse, but a bit higher. "Okay, fucked-up residents! We're gonna raid the entire place called Batibot! We must travel through the Phillipines and then we will turn this into an epic crossover!" He said. Everyone else murmured in agreement. Aberlado lectured again: "So, here's what we're gonna do. First, go to a flying train that will take us to Batibot, Second, find Pong, Kiko and Koko, Third, Raid the place, and fourth, There you have it!" Everyone else cheered. After this, Aberlado yelled: "Now, let's go!" Afterwards, we cut back to Pong Pagong, but same voice as before. "Okay, so according to the GPS... WHAT THE FUCK??? where did this being come from?" Pong said. "You ugly bastard, stop looking at this fucking GPS for some reason!" Kiko said angrily. Just then, Pong Pagong turned around and yelled: "what the fuck, you bitch? are you acting like a baby or something? why did you fuck up my presence?" And then the flying train landed to the ground. Inside, all of the international Sesame Street characters all ran off quickly like a stampede or a herd. "R for it!" Koko said. And then they all ran off. Pong Pagong then walked up, and stopped the song abruptly. He said: "You're gonna join our ritual!" Kermit then yelled: "let go of me, motherfucker!" After that it transitions back to Batibot. Pong Pagong announced to everyone: "Oi! Kamusta! Oy vey! Mamma mia! Uh-oh Sphagettios! If it isn't everyone here. Believe!" Everyone else yelled: "Believe!" Pong then lectured: "Okay everyone, We're going to do a ritual! We will beat up each other, unleash demons into the audience, and do various Fortnite dance moves at the same time together. So does anybody else agree?" Everyone else didn't answer the fucking question. Pong then said: "Let's get this ritual started! Kiko, You better start this extermination ritual right away before it'll be too late, okay?" Kiko said: "Sure thing!" and then he puts a money chain on and wore a ugly Purple Elmo cosplay. Pong said to everyone: "Alright, everyone shall start as well! Our demon-unleashing ritual!"
"Yes, we will!" everyone else said. So then, the ritual began. They were all beating up each other, throwing disgraceful words, unleashing demons, and doing various Fortnite dance moves at the same time while the Mario Castle Music played in the background. Ernie yelled: "Hey Bert, Isn't this ritual so much fun?" Bert yelled: "FUCK YOU, ERNIE! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT!" All of the buildings were all spinning around uncontrollably and someone was yelling "HELP!" in the background. Everything started going random as the music became weirder and weirder, as a image of Tails raping Amy Rose started fading into view, with the words "you're next" in Comic Sans font.
The episode resumed normally as if nothing happened. "Hey Pong, ya wanna buy a Big Chungus? It's free with a burger." Aberlado said. "Man, fuck you, Gleep!" Pong said angrily. "Let me talk to Jughead about that." Kiko said. "Hey Pong, what the fuck are you doing going up in a boat? How the fuck did you get down there?" Aberlado said. "We're having a fucking ritual to unleash demons! Can you imagine if you jumped out of that fucking car? can you imagine if you shat all over the bottom of that fucking bed? can you imagine if you ate the penguin's cookies?" Pong yelled. He started to laugh. Kiko just walked away shaking his head. "That's what I call foresight." Aberlado said. "Bobby, no offense, but your attitude is much more mature." After that, everyone else was still doing the ritual as usual. AS FUCKING USUAL.
Just then, Elmo appeared out of nowhere with MASSIVE AK-47s. "I'MMA BURNIN' THIS SHIT DOWN!" he screamed in an extremely loud volume before Kermit kills Elmo by fuckin' smacking him with a ping pong paddle.
Wh- What? What the FUCK?! I already noticed, that this is a kid's show! Why the fuck is this a piece of shit?
It then got cut off by static. a few seconds later, Everything went back to Batibot. Kiko said: "What are you doing, jimshit?" Pong couldn't hear a single word he said. Pong was just listening to some kind of droning, rushing sound. Kiko then grabbed a gun, and shot the music off, with some explosions and grenades throwing over, causing Batibot to lose his balance. While slowly floating down, Kiko slammed into Pong, and knocked him out. Kiko then tried to fight Pong, but Pong was already dead. So Kiko shot him with some smoke. "What the fuck are you doing?" Aberlado said angrily. "Are you even blind or something? you can't cause this fucking place to explode its self! What are you doing?" Kiko heard the sound of explosions, What the fuck is going on? Kiko did a silly, fearful laugh, and ran out of the keep, coughing, looking all around to see. Meanwhile, everyone ran towards the screen, and they all started chanting in deep voices, and the screen kept shaking itself. "What the fuck is going on?" Koko said. Bong or Kiko still didn't answer. "Come on! Fucking answer me!" Koko hollered. They all ran and beated up each other, with some fight clouds. "DAFUQ?" Pong screamed. Then the fight clouds rolled over in a white out and everybody lay down on the floor, out cold. After that, Pong said to everyone: "And now, It's time to be beaten up!" Wait... Time to be BEATEN UP? Koko Kwik Kwak showed up again, but same voice as before. "TIME FOR ALL OF YOU TO BE UNLEASHED BY DEMONS!" and he went ahead and started chasing them. With his wings, he flew Pong and Kiko and then flung them in the air! He then grabbed the other characters by unleashing demons, and threw them in the air! When they fell down, THEY WERE ALL LYING ON THE FLOOR WITHOUT ANY BLOOD! Then... Koko Kwik Kwak left. The camera then started panning around the floor, showing all the characters, and then the episode ends.
The credits then rolled while the song "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance played in the background. It then cut to static again a few seconds later. I was serious about what I saw, so I proceeded to hid the vhs into my desk. That was pretty weird in my opinion, because i find most of this episode to be funny. As such, these are not mythological creatures that make up fictional lives of these people, but rather true events that happen to these characters which have been made up by these people for the purpose of entertainment value. As for the story itself, we are still not completely sure how this goes to where we are. It is said that this shit is real. I may be onto something here. In any case, I'm not going to go into detail about how this story ends.